Positive Impact: Your Weekly TNA Impact Review (January 31, 2013)

Positive Impact: Your Weekly TNA review (JAN 31, 2013)

TNA Impact opens up with another recap of the Hogan/bully feud. Pretty standard stuff for Impact as of late (CDN POV: The minister looks like Scott Stamford. I don’t know how I didn’t notice that before.)

The promo moves on to Taz, Aces & Eights and Jeff Hardy’s injury before finishing off with the issue of Hulk Hogan reinstating Bully Ray.

We get a shot of the crowd and the arena is PACKED in Manchester. TNA gets good crowds in the UK. its good to see them back. it makes them seem less bush league in an arena like this.

The announcers reminds us that TNA President Dixie carter has a huge announcement that we’ll hear later on tonight. Also, Anderson and Angle in a steel cage for our main event.
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BAD INFLUENCE ADDRESSES THE CROWD
Raven’s flock is out…

Oh wait.. it’s just Kaz and Daniels dressed up in kilts and war paint. (CDN POV: I’m sure it’s a very topical and totally not dated Brave-heart reference I’m assuming…) Kaz takes the microphone and starts talking to the crowd. Bad Influence is out for our pleasure according to them. It’s throwback Thursday so they’re throwing back to the 13th century. We should pay homage to the real warriors of the United Kingdom, the Scots!

(CDN POV: I guess it wouldn’t be a wrasslen’ show without some cheap heat. I also think Kaz just called me a Piss Agent and a Turd Bugler. I don’t know how I feel about that…)

Daniels now addresses the crowd and Jeff Hardy. He rips into Hardy and makes a joke about how Jeff’s face paint gave him an anaphylactic shock. He calls the crowd ‘tossers’ and says this isn’t his last chance to be the World Heavyweight Champion and when he wins, he says he’ll come back and even defend it against the English; because there’s nothing easier to beat.
Until then, they give you permission to worship them. NOW!

Magnus’ music hits and he is out to a hometown pop. I’m guessing we’re supposed to forget he’s a bad guy now since Aces & Eights beat him up. (CDN POV: Magnus is definitely a body guy…)

Magnus grabs a mic and has his own theory on why Daniels isn’t World Heavyweight Champion. It might have something to do with Hardy beating Daniels like he owes him money and some other crap like that. Magnus calls them muppets and says they need a good slap. If they feel like being ‘Willy’ and ‘Wallace’ for a night and want to fight an Englishman… Magnus is the Englishman they can fight.

Daniels agrees and says, “as they say in this armpit of a country. In for a penny in for a pound!”

Magnus tries to get a jump on Bad Influence but is overwhelmed by the numbers game. Bad influence tried whipping Magnus into the ropes but Magnus hung on to the ropes and managed to toss Kaz over the top rope with a back body drop and lands a HUGE boot to Daniel’s face. Daniels gets to his feet and eats a clothesline to the outside for his troubles.

Keneley says he’s swinging them around like haggis. (CDN POV: Now, I’m not from the UK or Scotland so I’m not going to claim I’m the most savvy on the subject but I think you’re supposed to eat them Todd…)

After clearing the ring, Magnus grabs the mic again to cut a promo. He says it’s an honor and a privilege for every person that walks down the aisle to perform for the fans or something to that extent. That privilege was taken away from him by Aces and Eights. Led by the man he’s calling out on Open Fight Night.

Magnus calls out Devon and that’s next. (CDN POV: Wait, what? You’re FLYING the bad guys overseas? I’m assuming these guys aren’t that dangerous considering Hardy wasn’t allowed to fly for a non-violent crime LOL)

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MAGNUS VS DEVON – OPEN FIGHT NIGHT CHALLENGE

The bell rings and both men are throwing wild punches. Magnus gets the upper hand and forces him to the corner. Big elbows from Magnus but Devon tries to whip him out of the corner. Magnus makes him pay by rebounding with a huge clothesline. Magnus tosses Devon to the outside and continues his assault; slamming his head into the guard rail. The count gets to 8 as Magnus has slammed Devon’s head into 3 of the 4 corners of the arena so far. Magnus then finds an object of some sort and cracks Devon in the skull in plain sight of the ref (CDN POV: I didn’t know this match was no disqualification). The referee is now actively trying to get both men back into the ring. Finally Magnus tosses Devon back in the ring.

(CDN POV: The announcer Todd Keneley said it’s starting to look like a pub brawl now. I’m guessing he’s never been in one if he thinks the drunk, fat guy at the bar is going to let you go to four corners of the room and slam his head into the tables.)

Magnus tries to get back in the ring but Devon catches him and kicks him hard in the balls. The ref’s vision was blocked for that spot so he wouldn’t have seen it. Magnus is slow to his feet after that blow and Devon runs at him with a clothesline. Devon, now in control, chokes Magnus on the second rope. Back in the corner and Devon lands blows to Magnus as he’s down for the count. More blatant choking by Devon. Magnus tries to start a comeback but Devon denies it with a big leg drop and a Hulkster ear cup.

Magnus, now with a second wind, starts landing huge punches out of nowhere. Magnus goes off the ropes and Devon counters Magnus again with a corkscrew elbow. Snapmare and clawhold by Devon. The crowd starts to rally behind Magnus as he tries again for a comeback but runs into a lariat. Scoop slam by Devon and he goes up to the second rope for a headbutt. Magnus moves out of the way and capitalizes on Devon’s miss with a huge clothesline. Flying knee by Magnus and another clothesline. Michinoku Driver II by Magnus as Aces and Eights conveniently storm the ring. Magnus was ready though and tossed them all out like like they were T-shirts.

WINNER: Magnus via DQ.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: It was a pretty short match with a funky finish so don’t expect much. It was still a fun little bout and it got the crowd going. Decent opening match.

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JOSEPH PARK PROMO

Joseph Park promo. Basically recapping what Park was saying last week as well as a lot of footage of Joseph nodding. Seriously, the man nods a lot.

Tonight we get the impact debut of Joseph Park. (CDN POV: I can’t tell if that’s exciting or disturbing.)

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BACKSTAGE WITH BULLY RAY & BROOKE HOGAN

We’re backstage with Bully Ray, Brooke Hogan and Sting. A worried Bully hasn’t heard from Hulk Hogan yet on the status of his suspension. He asks Sting if he heard from him. Sting says yes, but Hogan only left a short message saying that’d he’d be here.

That’s not enough for Bully as he tries texting Hulk Hogan again, this time from Brooke’s phone.

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JOSEPH PARK DEBUTS

We’re back to the ring and Joseph Park is already there. He’s surprised and when people said that England had the wildest crowds, they weren’t lying. Park, right to the point, is going to call out his opponent for tonight.

Before he can, Robbie E and Robbie T comes out and interrupts him. Joseph keeps repeating to Robbie E. that he didn’t pick him and Robbie E asks him if this is a joke. Joseph tries to apologize and say that he didn’t pick Robbie E but Robbie isn’t having it. (CDN POV: Joseph’s facial expressions during this entire segment have been hysterical)

Robbie E says the last thing Joseph is, is a wrestler, bro. In fact, Joseph is just a hamster like everybody else in the UK. It looks like Robbie E forgot about Robbie T (who’s Welsh for those of you who didn’t know). Robbie T understandably doesn’t look amused with that last comment.

Robbie E tries to cover up by saying everybody except YOU bigger Rob, plus Robbie T lives in America now so he’s basically an American anyway. Robbie T still looks pretty pissed though. (CDN POV: Situational awareness Robbie E. Get some!)

Robbie E. snatches Joseph’s note book and asks him if his wrestling notes are in there. Robbie E asks if he wants a real wrestling lesson, wipes his ass on the book and challenges Joseph.

Joseph decides that Robbie E. can be his opponent for tonight and accepts the challenge.

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JOSEPH PARK VS ROBBIE E. (W/ ROB TERRY)

They go to lock up, but Robbie E ducks Joseph and takes advantage of his lack of experience. Gut kick by Rob, who tries to whip Joseph into the ropes. Robbie E. seems to forget he’s the smaller man, as Joseph sandbags his attempt and tosses him against the ropes instead. Lariat miss by Joseph. Robbie E. tries a crossbody but forgets he’s much lighter than Joseph, who isn’t affected by the move at all. Robbie E pays for that attempt and crashes into the mat hard.

Robbie, now frustrated, punches Joseph hard in the gut and takes him down. Robbie lays the boots in and goes for the ropes again. Park remembers some of his wrestling training and lands a hip toss, an arm drag and a one armed scoop slam to the unsuspecting Robbie E.

Now it’s Joseph’s time to run the ropes as he goes for a big splash. Robbie E sees it coming and rolls away at the last minute. More boots by Robbie and some jaw-jacking. Robbie goes up to the second rope and nails a diving clothesline. Robbie goes up to the second rope again and nails Park with a diving elbow. It’s only good for 2 as Park powers out. Robbie E. stalks Joseph from the corner and waits for him to reach the opposite one. Once Park reaches the corner, Robbie E charges but Joseph was playing possum and Robbie E ate turnbuckle pad. Park starts “parking” up and takes Robbie E down with a few shoulder blocks and a clothesline. Robbie E. tries a comeback but Park stops him in his tracks with a belly to belly suplex. Joseph now decides its his turn to fly and goes up to the second rope. A little taunt by Park and a big splash. It’s good for the win. Joseph celebrates his first win as Robbie T checks on his partner. Park takes the time to slap hands with the fans as he heads to the back.

Winner: Joseph Park via second rope splash.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Decent match. Nothing special. You definitely don’t need to go out of your way to watch this one unless you’re invested in the Park story.

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HULK HOGAN ARRIVES AT THE IMPACT ZONE. 

We’re taken to a backstage entrance as Hulk Hogan makes an appearance. He’s on the phone, I wonder who he’s talking to? (CDN POV: Considering all the times he shows up in a TMZ tabloid, it’s probably his lawyer)

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AUSTIN ARIES AND BOBBY ROODE ADDRESS THE CROWD

Back to the ring and Aries and Roode are addressing the crowd. Aries says he knows that we’re excited to be in the presence of greatness and dominance. He goes on to say that considering so many people steal from this company, it’s funny how the two greatest wrestlers on the roster continue to be robbed or something to that effect. That’s okay because the “IT Factor” and the “Common Denominator” of greatness are here to usher in a new era for TNA. Aries and Roode are getting on the same page and what they’re going to do is one by one, they’ll collect all the gold. They’ll start with the Knockouts championship, the Television title and Aries will take the World Title (“We had an agreement on that!” says Roode). But right now they’ll start with the easiest titles to capture… The World Tag Team Titles.

Bobby Roode takes the microphone now and says that he views Hernandez like he views every one of the crowd. Nothing but a bunch of wankers who couldn’t hold a candle to…

Music hits as Roode is interrupted by the tag champs before he can finish his sentence. (CDN POV: 2 kids in the front row are going crazy for the tag champs, holmes!)

Chavo Guerrero Jr. calls out Aries and takes exception to them saying that their title is easy to get. Last time Chavo checked, they weren’t even a tag team. To even get a tag shot, you need to be a tag team. (CDN POV: I don’t think I need to make a list, but I’m sure a bunch of tag teams who’ve challenged for the titles over the years weren’t tag teams LOL)

Aries says they’re already a tag team so it’s a moot point. Furthermore,  Roode has already beat Hernandez fair and square. Aries asks Chavo what he suggests.

Chavo answers Aries and says that since tonight is Open Fight Night, lets fight. Aries agrees but adds a stipulation to the match. If either Aries or Roode wins the match, they get a shot at the Tag Team Titles.

Chavo agrees and looks to be wrestling on behalf of the Tag Champs. Austin Aries stops Bobby Roode from wrestling; insisting that he’s done enough already and it’s Aries’ turn now.

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AUSTIN ARIES VS CHAVO GUERRERO JR. – OPEN FIGHT NIGHT CHALLENGE

The match starts and the crowd is already pro Aries. (CDN POV: I feel like they should’ve introduced Chavo to the company as a heel. The crowd doesn’t really connect to him as a good guy and he’s ended up in the same role he had in the WWE as a result of it.)

They start it out fast, with Chavo getting the upper hand, landing strikes and a back drop. Aries catches Chavo off guard and flapjacks him onto the top rope neck first. Aries goes for a springboard senton but Chavo gets the knees up. Chavo gives Aries a receipt and flapjacks him onto the rope and lands a springboard senton in retaliation. European uppercuts by Chavo and boots to the corner as we go to commerical break.

We’re back from the break and Chavo is still in control. Chavo whips Aries into the ropes and Austin uses the opportunity to bail from the ring. Roode starts berating Aries for doing poorly and they bicker a bit. Roode goes to throw Aries back into the ring but Chavo denies them with a baseball slide that sends Aries crashing into Roode. Vaulting cross body onto Roode by Chavo Jr. Chavo lost sight of Aries; who makes him pay for it with a Heat Seeking Missile. Aries, now in control, hits Chavo with an elbow and gets him in the corner for the big chops. Foot choke by Aries and a snapmare. Diving Elbow to the back of the neck of Chavo but its only good for a 2 count. Chavo starts a comeback but Aries catches Chavo with a big knee lift and a grounded roundhouse kick for 2. Mongolian chop by Aries followed by a knee lift into a headlock takeover.

(CDN POV: There’s a vague “LET’S GO CHAVO! AUSTIN ARIES!” chant. It’s been a good match so far and the crowd appreciates it.)

Chavo tries to get something going but Aries catches Chavo off the ropes with a back body drop and a face wash. Aries up top, does a little Chavo/Eddie taunt and tries for a frog splash. Aries misses and it’s the opportunity for Chavo to comeback, who unleashes a huge dropkick and a flurry of strikes. Chavo tries a suplex but Aries denies it a feeds him into the ropes. Chavo busts out a Rolling Koppo Kick ala Jushin Thunder Liger. It’s only good for a 2 count as Aries barely kicks out. Gut kick and the three amigos by Chavo. Chavo points to the sky and heads to the top for the frog splash and connects. Roode goes to distract the ref as Hernandez comes out to even the numbers. Roode bails the ring and points out Hernandez to the referee, who is now distracted dealing with Hernandez. Roode goes to the top rope to get the jump on Chavo, but Chavo catches him with a punch and sends him tumbling out of the ring. Aries uses the distraction to position himself and nails Chavo with a massive IED corner missile dropkick. Roode nails the brainbuster and its good for the win. Roode and Aries gets a shot at the Tag Champs. On the way up the ramp, Roode and Aries argue about who did what for the match.

Winner: Austin Aries via Brainbuster

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Really great match up between the two. Great pacing and they seemed to have good chemistry together. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of these matches.

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CATCHING UP WITH BULLY RAY

We’re backstage again and we’re roaming the halls with Bully Ray; who is fixated on his phone. Brooke runs into the scene and informs Bully that Hulk Hogan is finally here. Bully says let’s go and they’re off to the ring to address the crod and the Hulkster.

TNA valentines day promo again. (CDN POV: Yummy.)

We get a shot of Downtown Manchester and Keneley informs us that Manchester is buzzing about Impact. (CDN POV: What are they buzzing about Mike Tenay? Angle and Anderson in a cage match that everybody has probably seen a million times? Totally, buddy.)

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BACKSTAGE WITH KURT ANGLE, SAMOA JOE, WES BRISCO & GARRETT BISCHOFF

We’re backstage again and we have CASUAL WEAR Angle and CASUAL WEAR Joe talking about Taz’ betrayal. Angle is comparing it to Anderson turning his back on TNA. (CDN POV: Oh, right. Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco are there too…)

Angle says all he wants is Anderson one on one in the cage. Joe says he’ll get it tonight. Joe guarantees that Aces & Eights won’t interfere. The Nepotist duo of Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco said they’re here to help as well but Joe is not having any of it and berates them. He goes on to say that he isn’t Kurt and doesn’t need them to ride his jock. He can handle it.

Kurt seems pretty exasperated over the arguing as Joe makes his leave. Wes asks Kurt what Joe’s problem was. Kurt tells him that’s just Joe. But he’s exactly the guy he needs. Kurt’s off to warm up so he sends the duo off.

The announcers remind us about Dixie Carter’s big announcement later tonight as we get another Hogan/Bully promo. (CDN POV: Some of the music they chose is really funny in an awkward kind of way. Just picture Hogan and Sting yelling at each other with romantic piano music in the background. Also, it’s been like three weeks but Bully’s face and tone when he’s saying I do is just beyond priceless. That did NOT sound like a man who wanted to be married LOL.)

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BULLY RAY CALLS OUT HULK HOGAN

We’re back to the ring and Sabu’s music hits! Oh, wait… It’s just Bully Ray. Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan make their way to the ring as Bully grabs a mic to use.

Bully says that as we all know, it’s been a rough few months for both Brooke and Bully. But its Bully’s love for Brooke that got him suspended in the first place. Suspended by her dad. Bully goes on to say that they’re family now and they have a common enemy… The Aces and Eights. Hogan and Bully have to bury their problems and lift the suspension. Brooke can’t get him to do it, Bully can’t get him to do it, the people can’t get him to do it but maybe one man can convince Hogan. That man is Sting.

Ray starts a Sting chant in Manchester to try and coax the Stinger out. Sting’s music hits and he’s on his way out to meet Bully Ray and Brooke. Sting waits out some chants and says it feels great to be back in the UK.

He’s got news for Bully though. He doesn’t think he has to stroke to get Hogan out but he thinks the crowd can get Hogan out. Cue Hogan chants as we wait to see if Hogan will come out. He doesn’t come out but Sting isn’t giving up and starts the chant again. Apparently it’s enough because the Hulkster is on his way out.

Bully, ever the gentleman, holds the second ropes for his father in law.

Hulk Hogan enters the ring and Brooke goes to hug her father. Sting addresses Hogan and says they’re in a war zone with Aces and Eights. They’re back in the UK and Sting can’t figure a better place to make things right with Bully Ray.

Hogan gets a mic and says there’s no doubt about it, there’s a war going on in TNA. Tell him something he doesn’t know brother. At the end of the day whether friend or foe, Hulk always does the right thing. When he walked his daughter down the aisle, he did the right thing. As far as his family goes he always does the right thing… Which is why bully is reinstated. BUT the one thing that gets things a little crazy is when he confuses business and family. He won’t make the same mistake next week because two Aces & Eights members will take on Sting and his son in law, Bully Ray, next week on Impact. But to really make sure he’ll take care of all business, next week, the tag match will be a tables match, brother. Hogan and Bully shake hands and everything is good now apparently.

(CDN POV: Kind of lackluster segment. I was expecting more drama out of it with how much Hogan was making it out like it was bothering him)

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DIXIE CARTER’S HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT

Dixie Carter’s announcement is next. She announces that the television tapings are on the road permanently for now on starting mid-march. (CDN POV: That’s a good thing.)

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VELVET SKY ARRIVES AT THE IMPACT ZONE

Velvet Sky is on her way to the ring. (CDN POV: They tried out some cool camera angles for her entrance) she doesn’t look happy.

She’s got a little something she wants to get off her chest, right now… (CDN POV: please be your top… please be your top… please be your top….)

Tonight is a very special night for Velvet and because it’s Open Fight Night it gives her the opportunity to call out the two reasons why she isn’t Knockouts champion today. So it would be in Tara’s best interest to come to the ring now with her Hollywood girlfriend Jesse.

Tara’s music hits and she’s on her way to answer Velvet’s challenge. Velvet informs that that isn’t a handicap match. She got herself a tag partner whilst the duo were chugging down protein drinks. The partner she found drinks, but it isn’t protein.

Cowboy music starts playing and James Storm makes his way to the ring to join Velvet Sky.

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VELVET SKY & JAMES STORM VS TARA & JESSE ‘MR. PECTACULAR’ GODDERZ – OPEN FIGHT NIGHT CHALLENGE

Storm and Jesse start off. Lockup and Jesse powers Storm into the corner. Bit of a shoving match and Storm starts peppering Jesse with punches. Jesse tries a hip toss but is counter by Storm into a Biel throw. Irish whip into the corner by Storm but Jesse tries to avoid it by leapfrogging over Storm. Storm catches wind of it though and snatches Jesse in mid air for a snake eyes and a big right hand. Tara tried to hold Storm’s leg but Knockouts referee Tiffany (CDN POV: Hey, wasn’t she the WWECW GM at one point? Oh well, she has a job. She’s doing better than most of the other ECW alumni…) catches her and berates her. It’s enough of a distraction for Jesse to get the jump on Storm though. Clubbing him in the back a few times. Back elbows in the corner by Jesse. Jesse goes for the pin but it’s only good for 1.

Meanwhile, Keneley is ribbing Taz and asking him what bike he rides? He suggests a tricycle and Taz said that he could end up in a body bag (CDN POV: C’mon Taz, you know well enough that you should only say things you plan on doing!) cause he has a smart mouth.

Back to the action, Jesse has Storm pinioned in the corner and nails a big knee lift and a snapmare. He follows it up with a leg drop but it’s only good for 2. Jesse goes for a slam, but Storm wiggles out of it a nails a backcracker to buy some time. Jesse and Storm crawl to their respective corners and they both get the hot tag.

Velvet and Tara are in and Velvet nails Tara with a few clotheslines and a headscissors. Russian legsweep and a cover for 2. Velvet goes for the Irish whip but Tara reverses it into a knee lift and a waist lock. Awkward spot as Velvet “spins” out of it a sends Tara flying into Jesse. Velvet with a quick rollup for 2. Running neckbreaker thingy by velvet as she recovers in the corner as James Storm comes in to nail the Closing Time on Jesse.

James Storms tries to rile the crowd up but Tara comes from behind to distract him. Velvet has enough and nails Tara with the In Yo Face. It’s good for the win.

WINNERS: Velvet Sky & James Storm via IN YO FACE

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Completely serviceable match. Nothing super spectacular but it wasn’t awful. That’s surprising considering half the people in the ring are basically dead weight.

Still to come… Anderson and Angle in a cage.
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BACKSTAGE WITH HULK AND BROOKE HOGAN

A little recap of the Hardy feud thing again as Tenay updates us on his condition. (CDN POV: It’s not really an update at all. All he said was they took an MRI of his knee.) We get the actual info next week. Wow…

We go backstage and we’re mid conversation with Hulk Hogan and Brooke. Hulkster is saying how Bully isn’t really a bad guy and we’re all one in the same. Stinger, Bully and himself are the same and the way Bully took a beat down for him and his daughter, he’s okay in his books now.

Next week we have Doc and Devon vs Bully Ray & Sting.

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BACKSTAGE WITH KEN ANDERSON

A promo, recapping the Anderson/Angle cage matches. (CDN POV: They showed the patented Kurt Angle missed moonsault. )

We’re backstage with Anderson, who gives us a little reasoning as to why he’s with the Aces. He says he felt more brotherhood these past few weeks with the Aces then he has in the last two to three years he’s been in TNA. He’s had a long fight so all he’s been thinking about is what he’ll do to Kurt in his cage. He’s played there before (the cage) and Anderson is ready.

Kurt you ain’t leaving the same way you came here.

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BACKSTAGE WITH SAMOA JOE, WES BRISCO AND GARRETT BISCHOFF

Backstage again and Joe is beaten up. Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff are with him. Kurt Angle finds them and tells Garrett to wait with Joe and call the paramedics. He tells Wes to get his back for the match. Garrett tells the camera guys to get the doctors and tries to calm Joe down.

Kurt Angle vs Anderson in a cage next

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KURT ANGLE VS KEN ANDERSON – STEEL CAGE MATCH – OPEN FIGHT NIGHT CHALLENGE

It’s main event time as both competitors make their way to the ring. (CDN POV: It’s interesting that Anderson hasn’t ditched his theme for the A&E theme. Or not…)

Taz mentions Angle being pissed at him right now and has no clue as to why. He does mention beating Angle in the WWF for his TV debut as a reason. I chuckled.

The bell rings as Wes Brisco locks the cage door. Anderson wastes no times and goes right after Angle with a flurry of strikes. A few stomps and a foot choke by Anderson. Hard Irish Whip into the corner by Anderson. It’s enough force to send Angle crashing to the mat afterwards. Anderson goes for a pin but it’s no good.

Anderson gets him in the corner again and strikes him in the gut. Suplex attempt by Anderson which is denied by Angle. Angle tries to build some momentum and runs off the ropes. This proved to be a bad idea as Anderson nails Kurt in the face with a back elbow for 2. We get an awkward camera angle of the cage for a few seconds. Horrible shot, you couldn’t see the action in the ring. The crowd looks awesome though. Angle and Anderson trade blows for a bit but Anderson gets the upper hand with a knee lift to the gut. Whip into the corner by Anderson but Kurt catches him with a back elbow and a nice second rope dropkick.

Both men are struggling to get to their feet. Angle is up first and manages to hit Anderson with a few clotheslines. Angle whips Anderson in the corner but Anderson catches Angle off guard with a boot to the face. Anderson tries to capitalize but eats a German suplex for his trouble. Angle rips the straps down and is looking for the Angle Slam. Anderson isn’t ready to go down yet and nails a rolling fireman’s carry slam for a 2 count instead. Anderson, who’s now in control of the match, whips Angle face first into the cage as our first bit of human to cage interaction. Elbow to the back of the neck and stomps to the hand by Anderson. Another whip into the cage by Anderson. Anderson tries one more time but Angle finally counters and tosses Anderson into the cage; who rebounds into an Angle Slam. It’s only good for 2 as Anderson kicks out at the last minute.

Back from commercial break and Angle is in control now. Angle stomps Anderson’s hand hard and punches him in the head. Angle gets Anderson up but Anderson thumbs his eye and nails him with a clothesline. Both men are down (CDN POV: I’d like to point out that Brian Hebner is counting out both men… In a CAGE match… He’s really taking after Earl) but Anderson gets to his feet first.

Anderson tries to escape the cage as Kurt is down. Kurt manages to get to his feet and chases Anderson. He manages to get Anderson down to the top rope as they trade punches. Anderson outsmarts Angle, drops to the mat and crotches him before he has a chance to realize what’s happening. Anderson goes for the pin but Angle kicks out at the last minute.

Anderson goes back on the offensive with knees and clubs to the back of Angle. Anderson gets Angle to the corner and continues his punishment with boots and fists in the corner. Anderson, selling exhaustion, holds on to the ropes for a moment and tries to climb again. Angle, with a second wind, charges after him and nails a SICK Angle Slam from the top rope. The fans from the UK show their appreciation with “TNA!” chants. Angle goes for the pin but took too long and Anderson kicks out. Angle gets to his feet as the crowd starts up a “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant. Anderson gets Angle with a low blow to regain momentum and nails the Mic Check. Anderson goes for the pin but Angle manages to kick out at the last minute. Anderson, frustrated, goes for the pin again but it’s only good for two.

Anderson gets to his feet and tries to climb the cage again but Angle catches him again with a HUGE pinning powerbomb. Anderson kicks out but Angle sticks with the leg and goes for the Ankle Lock. Angle locks it in and Anderson has nowhere to go. Angle grapevines the leg and gets the win as Anderson taps out.

WINNER: Kurt Angle via ANKLE HOLD

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: They’ve had a few bouts in a cage already but this was one of the better ones. It was a pretty short match but both guys worked really hard. If there’s one match you can’t miss from this week, it should be this one or the Chavo vs Aries match.

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ACES & EIGHTS INVADES THE CAGE

After the match, an Aces & Eights member starts storming the ring. Wes Brisco sees him coming and opens the door to get in the cage. Curiously, Wes locks it after. Angle is face to face with the masked member of Aces & Eights, waiting for him to make a move. All of a sudden, the aces member rips off his mask and it’s…

GARRETT BISCHOFF!

Angle shocked, looks to Wes for answers. Wes looks as if he had no idea as Angle returns his focus on Garrett Bischoff. A pissed off Angle goes to get Garrett but Wes Brisco takes him out with a chop block from behind.

Garrett and Wes laugh at the predicament and lay a beating on Angle. Brisco and Bischoff take turns holding up Angle and striking him. Wes mounts Kurt and pound him in the face as we get a replay of what just happened.

Garrett lays out Angle with a Headlock Driver as the announcers sell the shock of the situation at hand. Impact closes with Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco standing tall over Kurt Angle.

FINAL MARK: This was actually a pretty good episode minus the Bully/Hogan shenanigans. I’d recommend catching this episode for sure. It was (mostly) enjoyable to watch. Segments to check out are probably the Aries vs Chavo match and the developments at the end of the Episode with Aces & Eights. It’ll be interesting to see where the A&8 story goes now that Wes and Garrett have been introduced as members.

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Well, that’s all for this week folks! Take care, spike your hair, eh? The Masked Canadian signing out.

ROYAL RUMBLE 2013!!!!!!1!11!

Alright guys, it’s the second biggest event of the year here in the States, and Here at the DAV2112 household we’re all excited to see John Cena bury everyone so he can recreate the most boring match of all time at Wrestlemania. We have a fantastic line-up tonight of…um…

Pre-Show Match/Match 1: Antonio Cesaro © vs The Miz

• First of all, I know this is the pre-show thingy, but as far as i’m concerned, it’s part of the PPV. Second of all, who is this other guy doing announcing that isn’t Matt Striker? Third, why don’t they show the Youtube thing on the TV when you order it? It’s far more interesting than the review stuff they’re playing. They’re sucking down my battery life damn it!
• Anyway, I’m choosing Antonio Cesaro as the winner because his jacket is less stupid, and he’s awesome. But mostly the Jacket.
• Black Ref getting work tonight, so that’s awesome. Striker shits all over Miz. I enjoy this. SWISS DEATH! I think…i looked away for a second…Michinoku Driver-looking thing!! Cesaro is on fire!
• At this point, Miz has gotten pretty much no offense in. Cesaro with a sick backbreaker thing, as Matt Striker says that he has SWAG! God, Shut up Striker…
• Miz Botches a landing and The other announcer, for the 200^th time, says the match is going to end with this move.
• Cesaro with a Neutralizer at the end to finish up a decent match.
• One word for that match…SWAG. Match wasn’t bad, but it lacked a bit in the excitement department. Doesn’t help that Announcer 2 kept ruining each pinfall. But Cesaro’s SWAG saved it. ***

*I’d just like to point out how ridiculous and stupid that Commercial is for the Royal Rumble, but this opening promo is fantastic.

Match 2: Big Show vs Alberto Del Rio ©

• Right, so while I want Big Show to win, it’s obvious he won’t, so i’m going with Alberto Del Rio to win this shit. Also, lol at the World Title being the first match.
• DUDE! Bret Hart! Best segment ever.
• Alright, so if this is anything like the Smackdown 3 weeks ago, this’ll be amazing.
• Del Rio’s kicks are fantastic, but anytime I see Big Show take a drop kick to the knees it’s hilarious.
• Nice Armbar/Backdrop spot. Del Rio was all “I immediately regret this decision.” And I laughed, and He cried, and I stopped rambling.
• Sick Chokeslam by Show as they start to brawl their way up the ramp.
• Light tubes and Tables? Am I watching 5 Dollar Wrestling. What the hell is Big Show Doing?!?! On the lights! NO!!! NOOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Del Rio’s dead…He’s on his feet but he’s dead. Del Rio is being set up for the WMD, but Del Rio runs to the outside. Show goes for the stairs. This seems oddly familiar. RICARDO NO!!!
• Big Show, you silly goose…You’re supposed to put your opponent through the Barricade, not yourself. Tisk tisk. Del Rio is hell bent on killing Big Show.
• Aw…aw……Such a good match with such a poop ending. I hate when they end matches like that. *sigh , Del Rio Wins with the duct tape trick.
• As much as I dislike the ending, that was a really good match. Like, REALLY good. I hope the feud continues, because it’s been great thus far. ****

*Nice little promo for Ziggler. AJ isn’t that good on the mic, but she’s sexy so she gets away with it. Big E is hilarious.

*Nice Royal Rumble promo

Match 3: Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes vs Kane & Daniel Bryan

• Calling for Rhodes Scholars to win. Dat stache sign
• Nice opening exchange followed by the Romero Special! And a tag to Kane with the Drop Kick.
• SO MANY KICKS! JBL is losing his shit about hugging as these four just kill each other.
• Elbow of Disdain. It kills me that the announcers are treating this match like a joke. The crowd is not interested either. WWE has failed at their “tag team initiative” Remember when the Prime Time Players did things other than job on Superstars?
• Kane comes in with a head of steam, as I run out of wrestling mannerisms to spill. Kane sets up a double chokeslam, but NO! Double suplex, but D-Bry tagged in!. Chokeslam to Cody! D-Bry with the No Lock! IT’S OVER!
• Well, I was wrong, but nothing wrong with that. Pretty decent match. It’s a shame the crowd doesn’t care because it was fairly entertaining. Not the best showing, but the ending stretch was good. ** ½ cause Average

Match 4: ROYAL RUMBLE!!

• This one is gonna be hard to keep track of, so I’m only gonna cover things I find SUPER important, but i’m calling John Cena to win
• Also, let me state that fuck The Rock. This is supposed to be the most important part of the PPV. Ziggler enters first so that he can be eliminated first, and Cena can win.
• JERICHO!?!?!?!?!?! ***** Jericho’s got a tattoo…This is weird
• SANTINO! Always great stuff
• Goldust comes in and Cody’s like “God damn it man…”
• Kofi is just amazing, just using a chair like a boss to get back in the ring. AAAAAAAAND he’s gone…
• The Godfather!! Aw…Damn you Ziggler. You’re anti-fun right now
• I just realized that Rey Mysterio’s outfit looks like Juventud’s. That makes him my favorite in the match right now
• John Cena comes out and I immediately lose interest. He eliminates people and nobody cares
• D-Bry kicks everyone to death! He’s winning this, calling it
• Cesaro changed his pants for the occasion. Just saying.
• JBL calls Natalya/Khali an inter species relationship and I laugh…yep
• Kane/Daniel Bryan spot was great.
• Bo Dallas eliminates Barrett. Nobody cares
• Ziggler is eliminated…Done caring
• Sheamus lost. I officially give no fucks
• Nice little Ending Stretch, but I was not overly impressed by the closing of the match. Especially since it pretty much gives away the main event
• The match itself was an average Rumble. Nothing spectacular, but enough to keep it entertaining. ***

Match 5: CM Punk © vs The Rock

• You don’t want this. You may think you want this, but you don’t want this. Nobody wants this, even if you think you do. That being said, maybe i’m a stickler, but the champion should always, ALWAYS enter last. It’s tradition. Regardless, i’m calling The Rock to win because fuck the real fans, it’s all about getting those extra viewers who only tune in for a nostalgia trip. Okay…I’m gonna get off my high horse and try to be unbiased. No promises tho.
• Opening attack is violent as shit. Heyman attacks Rock and then cries for his mom. Punk REFUSUES to destroy the Spanish Announce Table.
• Slow paced, with Punk in control for the most part at this point. Cole casually mentions Punk’s knee as he slams it into the padding at ringside. I don’t think they know what the word subtle means.
• That was a nice little GTS/Sharpshooter/Anaconda Vice spot. Now it’s Peoples Punch time! A nice DDT by The Rock, but no Kip-up. Rock locks in the Sharpshooter, but Punk crawls to the ropes! Hot action!
• The Spanish announce table once again come into play. The Table prematurely sold the Rock Bottom and the Rock is Likely really hurt. And decides to just Rock Bottom him on the padding outside instead. How embarrassing. Not in a bad way, but they’re probably embarrassed that that happened.
• People’s elbow gets interrupted by The Shield in the Dark. But it might not have been. It could have been anyone to be fair. Punk Smiles and rolls Rock into the ring. 1…2…3!!!! Punk did it! PUNK DID IT!! BEST IN THE WORLD!! However, that ending was ass.
• Oh, what’s this now? Vince? What does his old ass want? Strip him? Rock ain’t into that thing. Match gets restarted and Rock looks heroic as he stumbles back into the ring.
• Punk on the offensive. Kills Rock a bit, pins him. NOPE! Kick out. GTS? NOPE! Spinebuster. People’s Elbow time! He got him! 1…2…3! THE ROCK WON!!
• Well, that was a pretty good match. Nothing spectacular, but far from bad. Looking at it without my hate of Rock, it was pretty good. Punk looked really good, it was much more exciting then Rock/Cena, and it was well paced. However, the ending was awful and the match was HORRIBLY predictable, even from an outsider. Overall, the match was Good, up until the end, when it jumped off of a cliff while slitting it’s wrist, swallowing swords, and eating cyanide pills. ***1/2

Overall Thoughts:

So, the PPV wasn’t bad at all, but it started with the best match, which i think hurt it. Punk/Rock put on a nice, watchable match, and everything on the card was solid. The rumble was fun as always, but once it was down to the final four, it was pretty obvious who was going to win.

Basically, what i’m saying is the entire event was predictable. The endings to most of the match were just let downs. However, nothing was terrible, so i guess that’s a plus. The final verdict is ***. Overall just an average PPV

Hits:

• Del Rio/Big Show
• Daniel Bryan/Kane backstage penis joke
• Daniel Bryan/Kane Royal Rumble antics
• Chris Jericho’s presence
• Sheamus’s impressive Rumble Showing
• Miz/Cesaro

Misses:

• Main Events ending
• Royal Rumble after Ziggler got eliminated
• Tag Title Match

Positive Impact: Your Weekly TNA Review (1/24/13)

Hey guys, sorry I’m a bit late this week. Things came up and they were beyond my control. Anyway, without further adieu… Welcome to Positive Impact: Your Weekly TNA review!

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Positive Impact: Your Weekly TNA Review (1/24/13)

Impact opens up with a recap of the end of last weeks episode (minus the wardrobe malfunction) Recapping Taz’ involvement in Aces & Eights and the actions that followed the reveal.

Interesting to note: You can see Anderson beating down on Dreamer in the background. They also kept the audio from the Brooke parts but got rid of the video (for obvious reasons) so it sounds funny and piped in. Probably not their intention but understandable due to circumstance.

NOW we get some new footage of what happened after Impact closed out with Bully Ray crawling injured to hold Hogan’s hand as Dreamer, Brooke and Sting hover over. Concern in the face of Bully and Brooke. Random Christian York appearance.

Interesting to note: Dreamer was asking Sting to help Hogan walk and he wouldn’t. Don’t really know if that means anything. Park and Dreamer helped out Bully. The Impact Zone shows how much they care about this angle with random cowboy chants during the promo followed by we want Sting.

Hilarious.

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The announcers set up the show

Todd Keneley and Mike Tenay open up the show. Taz is not with them. They mention Taz’ absence and are making it come across as a huge surprise; they really didn’t see it coming. That makes sense because I didn’t see it coming either. Who would expect that the announcer who retired from wrestling 10 years ago was a member!

Color me shocked.

Keneley and Tenay say that Taz will be here later and they can’t wait to hear what he has to say. Me either, they’ll need a good explanation if I’m supposed to care that Taz is in this group.

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Aces and Eights promo video

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Lots of revving, clapping and stuff. I don’t actually understand what’s going on. I doubt a biker gang actually does this shit. They’re just hanging around in a parking lot, apparently yelling at motorcycles to see what’s louder. I imagine this is how underworld organizations operate through the eyes of a 15 year old.

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Aces and Eights addresses the crowd

*Impact opening graphic*

The announcers set up the situation that we finally get to find out why Taz stabbed Impact in the back last week. I’m sure everybody is waiting on the edge of their seats in anticipation…

After the show intro, Aces & Eights head to the ring. They’re lead by Taz and have Anderson in tow. I know I’m a bit late to the party but I still don’t understand why they never just lock the door. Who in their right mind just lets their enemy right into the building? Also, how the heck did they even get here in the first place? I doubt Universal would let a gang of miscreants assault their employees on their property and endanger the fans.

They get music too? I HATE YOU SO MUCH I COULD GIVE YOU A JAMES STORM REJECT THEME!!! Harsh TNA, harsh… But anyway, I digress….

We start off with Taz and his explanation for his actions last week. According to Taz, life is about opportunity so HOW could he pass off joining Aces and Eights? How can he not be part of a group of men that have an individual agenda to get revenge and redemption? MOST IMPORTANTLY!! How can he not pass out the opportunity to take direction and to live by the vision of a higher power?

If you understand what he means, you get a cookie and I’m really dumb.

After his “explanation” of the situation. Taz starts talking about the Bully Ray/Brooke Hogan wedding. He goes on a bit of a tirade on Brooke and then tells her to shut up (she isn’t here Taz, no need for that…). He mentions Bully Ray being smitten by Brooke but doesn’t really point out if there’s a problem, or what the problem is with Bully being infatuated with Brooke. Now he’s saying they did that because it was an opportunity to get noticed on a higher level.

Good idea guys, attack them and try to get visibility during one of the lowest rated segments in years. That’ll teach them not to mess with you!

Taz pulls out the “just another victim” line and calls out TNA’s owner Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan. Taz implies that Dixie should’ve read the language in the contract properly because he’s “bulletproof” Teflon Taz now. If he gets touched, he gets to own the place according to the contract that he had written up.

Dixie… You run a company and you or your lawyers don’t bother reading your contracts or MAKING SURE THAT AN ANNOUNCER CAN’T OWN YOUR COMPANY IF YOU SO MUCH AS SNEEZE ON THEM!?

This makes perfect sense to somebody I’m sure…

Taz then cuts a promo for Aces and Eights (We’ll just refer to them as A&E from now on). A&E is driven to ride over you, and we will. Clever, I guess but still super lame. Taz says TNA has to deal with the path of rage behind him, the carnage A&E puts out. Bully and Brooke were just collateral damage to them and good luck dealing with A&E and the “higher power”.

Mike says that we got some answers but not all of them. Really Mike? We got no answers or even a decent motive. All we know is there’s a higher power (riveting writing from TNA creative by the way) and he’s the one we should really be worried about for some reason.

Taz will join the broadcast table later. Todd says the A&E haven’t been more destructive compared to now. Tenay wonder’s out loud about the higher power. I wonder if I can keep watching the rest of this show…

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: I really didn’t buy into that promo by Taz one bit. I feel like I learned nothing about why Taz did what he did and I’m still trying to figure out why A&E are even here in the first place. It’s obvious that TNA wants these guys to be somewhat credible but they never win clean. Why should I be worried about this group? They aren’t really stopping me from enjoying the programming, nor do I think they can beat anybody in the TNA roster. I also didn’t really understand where Taz was going with his promo. Just confusing and lame all around.

FINAL MARK (BUY IT/NO SELL): NO SELL. Horrible promo work by Taz. It made no sense…

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Jesse and Tara promo

We’re shown the backstage area as Jesse tries to motivate Tara for her Knockouts title defense against Velvet Sky. He whips out the Velvet Sky action figure (obvious product placement is obvious) and starts comparing Tara favorably to Velvet (Dead pigeons! Somebody hide Taz!!). Jesse gets Tara the motivation she needs and they’re off to go Eskimo kiss or something.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: You know, I actually don’t mind this Jesse guy too much. He was annoying at first, but he seems to be trying at least and I’ve for sure heard worse promo guys in the Impact Zone. I thiiiiiiiiink he may even have a shred of conviction in his voice sometimes!

Velvet Sky challenges Tara for the TNA Knockouts title and that’s coming up next.

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The TNA Valentines Day commercial starts playing. It’s pretty awesome. They got the right knockouts for the shoot, that’s for sure. No Joey Ryan sighting though. I was pretty sad about that…

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Christopher Daniels promo
A promo for Daniels starts up. They mention Daniels is a multiple time champion and he’ll do anything to win. He’s left his mark on TNA since the beginning and competed in some of the greatest matches in TNA history. He’s proved that he is one of the most death defying characters to ever wrestle the squared circle. Although Daniels is good, he’s forced to prove himself constantly. Now for the first time, Daniels wants World Heavyweight gold. They’re really trying to convey that Daniels is a credible threat to the champ.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Hopefully the crowd buys into it. I could like this feud if it goes any farther.

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Daniels and Kaz backstage
Backstage again as the camera guys ask Kaz what his role will be tonight. He shows his licensed manager card as he hands Daniels an Appletini from a gym bag (stay classy!!). The camera man asks what Daniels does to prepare. Daniels says that this isn’t a big match and makes a bunch of sports allusions to convey that fact. He goes on to say that he’s a feature not a creature, he makes the girls day every time his hips sway and he’s mere moments away from taking his place at the head of the table.

Daniels asks how does “Chris Daniels: World Heavyweight Champion of the World” sound?

Kaz said it’s sexy, I’d have to agree.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Nothing really of substance in this promo. It was funny, but not what I was expecting for a World Heavyweight Title feud. You could skip this segment unless you’re into Kaz and Daniels.
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Taz returns to the booth

Taz decides to make his return to the booth for this match. He goes off a bit on Todd but gives Tenay a nice, “Hello Mike!” It was kind of funny. Mike points out they have questions for Taz. Taz says no problem and he isn’t going anywhere.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Why am I not surprised that Taz is back for a Velvet Sky match?

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Tara (c) vs Velvet Sky for the TNA Knockouts Championship

Velvet makes her entrance. She’s wearing her old gear again. I’m guessing people were complaining that she was hiding her pigeons. I don’t mind because DAT ASS looks extra fine today. What I would give to be that second rope…

Jesus….

Tara out next, accompanied by Mr. Pectacular.

Before the match, the announcers start grilling Taz about the higher power but Taz isn’t biting at first. Tenay tries to get some answers and asks if it’s a single person or a collective etc… Taz won’t budge. He tells them to just call the match. Tenay says he hopes he’s just announcing and not spreading aces propaganda. Taz assured us that we’ll be hearing some crap about A&E.

As the bell rings, Tara is too busy taunting the crowd to notice Velvet rolling her up from behind. Quick kick-out by Tara as Velvet goes for an arm-wrench. She transitions the arm-wrench awkwardly into a hammer lock and then again into a head-lock. Then she spins out of the headlock awkwardly into a hammerlock position and goes for a roll-up.

Did I say this was awkward yet?

Velvet goes for a side headlock but Tara pushes her into the ropes and gets her with a shoulder block. Bit of show boating by Tara before she runs the ropes. Velvet gets under Tara, pops up to her feet and nails Tara with a Japanese arm drag followed by a couple of clotheslines.

At least, I think they were clotheslines…

Tara goes for a punch but Velvet reverses it with a Russian leg sweep. Tara tries to buy some time by rolling out of the ring. Jesse and Tara get a little hugging action in which leaves Tara wide open for Velvet to hair toss her into the ring. Velvet follows it up with a grounded dropkick and sends her to the outside again as we go to commercial.

*commercial break*

We come back from commercial and Velvet is still controlling the match. Tara reverses an Irish whip into the corner and charges towards Velvet. Velvet catches her with her leg and does a hilarious little heel kick and pushes her off. Velvet goes up top and lands a cross-body for 2. Back in the corner and Velvet starts chopping, shoulder thrusting and gut kicking Tara. Velvet whips Tara into the opposite corner and starts charging…

Velvet goes for a monkey flip which looked botched as hell. I’m guessing Tara was supposed to hold onto the ropes so it looks like Velvet got denied and tricked into slamming herself into the mat. What it ended up looking like was Velvet making herself fall over for no reason. Tara takes advantage anyway and gets a 2 count for her trouble.

Tenay asks Taz if A&8 was a financial thing (LOL what?). Taz still wont budge and won’t talk about anything.

Snap suplex and a float-over by Tara. Good for 2. Tara, with a MILFtacular booty jiggle standing moonsault and a pin but Velvet kicks out at 2 again. Tara goes for the chin lock as Velvet tries to rally the crowd. Velvet gets to her feet but is slammed down again by Tara. Big hair pull toss by Tara followed by some taunting. Tara goes up top but Velvet gets up from the ground and tosses her down hard.

Velvet starts her comeback! Clotheslines and a head-scissors takedown. Velvet with her Ripcord face-buster thing but Jesse is distracting the ref. Velvet goes to Jesse and Tara hits Jesse by mistake. Velvet goes for the suplex but Tara sandbags her and Jesse holds Tara on top for the pin and the win.

WINNER: TARA (C) via LATERAL PRESS

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Honestly, it was a pretty bad match. The WWE shouldn’t be getting in as much shit for how they treat the Diva’s division considering TNA seems to be using the same formula nowadays. The Knockouts used to be pretty decent. This match up was not.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): Botched it for me. Velvet Sky needs to get better in the ring because that was barely serviceable. Horrible match with awkward timing at some points. I wouldn’t watch it personally, even if I was a fan of both of them.

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Camera men catch up with Sting:

We’re backstage again and the camera men catch up with Sting, who just arrived. They ask about the Bully/Brooke wedding last week and if he’s talked to Hulkster, Bully or Brooke.

Sting says he answers things in the ring.

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Kenny King and Zema Ion backstage

Kenny king is looking in the mirror while talking to himself and Zema Ion pops into the scene. The two banter it up for a little bit. They basically go on about how tonight is about looking good and which one of them will look the best. King, acting a bit overconfident says he’ll do all the heavy lifting. Zema ends the segment with something along the lines of “We’ll see about that”.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: TNA is planting more seeds for a rivalry between these two I think. It would be interesting, that’s for sure. Personally, I’d rather watch these two compared to Christian York.

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Joseph Park addresses the Impact Zone

Joseph Parks makes his way to the ring with music and an entrance video now. The announcers are really trying to get across that Joseph has some experience now as a wrestler after finishing off in OVW.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: I like how Joseph is already ready for TNA TV and the rest of the OVW guys (who have been there for longer) are still chugging along in developmental. Taz actually makes some good points about Joseph not having near enough experience to be doing this. Taz needs to decide if he’s going to heel it up on the announce booth or not because he’s kind of acting in this weird limbo of half old Taz and half blubbering announcer. It’s not working very well for me.

Joseph cuts a promo about all of the things he’s won and accolades he’s collected throughout his life. They’re great but his place isn’t in front of a courtroom or a judge. It’s as a wrestler in the Impact Zone! (CDN IMO: I’d like to point out that this is a horrible, horrible idea. You’re probably making decent $$$ as a lawyer. You shouldn’t risk all of that for a possible shot on the IMPACT ROSTER of all things…)

Last Week didn’t go as planned but he fought hard. He didn’t get the “W” as the “boys” call it but it made him realize that he is here to be the best he can be.

We get a shot of the crowd (mostly the red-headed girl and her “friends” that are on Impact every week.)

Joseph continues and says next week is Manchester and it’s Open Fight Night. He’s committed and he’s got his passport all ready so he’ll be there. He doesn’t mention who he’ll challenge next week. He said he isn’t “kayfab’ing” but he’s taking a week to watch some tapes and take notes and render a verdict for next week. The UK, the US and the whole world will get to witness the TV debut and next week he’ll hold his court and get his “W”

Taz says he’s out of his mind. Tenay says the crowd is behind him.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: As silly as the premise of this whole angle is, Joseph Park really cuts a convincing promo. The crowd wants to like the character and it shows. They basically suck up everything he says. Park is one of those few feel good moments that we’ve been missing in TNA for a bit. It’s a silly story, but I can’t help but follow along and enjoy the ride.

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Zema Ion and Kenny King vs Christian York and Rob Van Dam
*Another Hardy v Daniels plug before the match starts*

Tag action next as Zema Ion and Kenny King take on RVD and Christian York. Todd and Tenay play up the ego clash of Ion and King whilst Taz calls them jealous of their talent. Mike ships focus over to RVD and York by saying that RVD called York the future of the X-Division and that they share mutual respect for each other.

The bell rings as Ion and Van Dam are in first. They lock up and Zema goes for a side chin lock. RVD whips him off the ropes and attempts a back body drop. Zema Ion notices and kicks Van Dam right in the chest. Van Dam comes back with a kick of his own but Zema sees it coming and ducks the strike. Knee lift by Ion and he springs back against the ropes to charge at RVD. RVD sees what Ion is up to, presses him up in the air and dropkicks him.

RVD drags Ion to the good guy corner and tags in York. Van Dam waits for York to do something but York looks to hesitate a bit so Van Dam just tosses Ion into his boot. York with a big knife edge chop to Ion followed by a whip into the ropes. York charges towards Ion and lands a kitchen sink followed by a heel kick to the back of the head. York is jaw-jacking King at this point, calling him out. York whips Ion into the corner and tags in RVD; who takes advantage of the situation and lands a big monkey flip. RVD taunt by RVD followed by a dropkick right to the face.

RVD goes to toss Ion against the ropes, but Ion slips to the outside to gain his composure as king distracts Van Dam by taking him down. RVD retaliates but that’s enough time for Ion to hop back into the ring and nail a flying knee right to the middle back of Van Dam. Ion has enough and tags in King.

King nails a suplex and floats it over into a mount. Ground and pound by King followed by a quick cover. It’s only good for one as RVD kicks out quite quickly. King tags Ion back in, who puts the boots to RVD as King has him pinioned. Elbow by Ion as he denies RVD a tag and takes out York. York didn’t like that and headed into the ring to get even. The ref, noticing that York isn’t the legal man, reprimands him and sends him back to his corner. Meanwhile, Ion is still in control. He whips RVD hard into the corner as Ion goes up top. 450 splash denied as RVD rolls out of the way.

York riles the crowd up as RVD manages to get away from ion with a mule kick. Hot tags on both sides as York nails king with 2 clotheslines and a modified Russian legs sweep. Corner clothesline by York but King stops the momentum with a gut kick in the center of the ring. King runs off the ropes but York is right behind him. He nails a nice psych-out knee for a 2 count. Zema breaks up the count and RVD takes him out. Zema manages to nail RVD in the mouth as York takes King to the outside with a clothesline.

York tried for a springboard but wasted too much time so King cuts him down and pulls him out. He smacks his head on the mat and that’s enough to take him out for the time being. Back in the ring RVD nails a falling front slam for 2. Seeing that the end is near, RVD hops up to the top rope but doesn’t notice King behind him. King crotches him on the top rope and tries a super back suplex. RVD beats him off but is pushed to the outside by Ion. Zema Ion tries to head to the top but is caught by York; who nails a rope assisted gamen-giri. York looked to be trying a springboard again but king catches him off guard. Kenny King goes for a flying hotshot and Zema goes for his leaping springboard DDT but is countered by York. York losses sight of King, who uses the opportunity to hit a springboard blockbuster.

It’s good enough for the pin as Ion “steals” one from King. King seems upset that he didn’t get the win and announcers say that Ion has one upped and outshone King.

WINNER: ZEMA ION (W/KENNY KING) via SPRINGBOARD BLOCKBUSTER

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Fast paced match-up between the 4 X-Divisioners. It was a good match but it was very clunky at times. Especially during Christian York spots. York is getting a bit better, but I still think he’s much too bulky for his size. It looks like he has trouble doing certain things that he was able to do when he was a much leaner wrestler.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): I’d watch it if you’re a fan of any of these guys. It’s not a super important match to watch unless you’re interested to see where the King/Ion thing will go.

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Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray arrive at the Impact Zone

Taz has a call so he has to leave. How convenient…

Brooke and Bully arrive at the Impact Zone. The camera guys (who seem to be getting their cues from TMZ paparazzo now) are asking about the wedding. They don’t respond and Bully tells the camera man to get the camera out of his face.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: I like how the camera guys approach interviews. It feels a lot like real paparazzi which is a nice touch in my opinion. It’s too bad they can’t keep the same amount of realism in some of their other segments.

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Backstage with Samoa Joe, Garrett Bischoff, Wes Brisco and Kurt Angle

We’re backstage again… This time with Samoa Joe, Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff. It seems like we’re joined mid conversation because Joe is already telling Wes and Garrett that he doesn’t need their help. They just want information on Kurt Angle and asked about his injury. Joe tells them to ask him themselves as Kurt conveniently walks into the scene. Wes and Garrett ask about his injury and Kurt replies that he isn’t 100 percent but he can still fight. Joe makes a point to Kurt that they need to talk later in private.

*Another Hardy v Daniels plug*

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: It looks like they’re building up that Wes and Garrett are in A&E. They’ve been kind of teasing it for a while, but it seems like it’s getting more obvious of their inclusion with the group. I wonder if there’s going to be a double swerve with Anderson as well?

FINAL MARK (BUY/DUD/NO SELL): DUD. Short segment. Nothing to really write home about.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan address the Impact Zone
We get another wedding promo as Bully and Brooke head to the ring. Before they head down the ramp, Bully walks towards the announce booth looking for Taz. Tenay and Keneley tell him he’s left already as they realize why Taz had to take a call earlier. They mention that Bully is probably shaken up having his best man turn on him like that.

Bully gets to the ring and grabs a microphone to address the Impact Zone. He starts off by saying that last week should have been the greatest day of his life. It ended up sucking and a lot of people got hurt.

He goes on to say that he expected it from Devon, but never expected it from Taz; who he called a “scumbag” and a coward.

He says that he doesn’t care about what he did to him. He cares about the people around him that got hurt. Namely Hulk, Brooke and Sting. He’s been trying to get Sting and Hogan’s trust forever but the worst is what he did to Brooke. He threatens to do such bad things that he “can’t talk about it on TV”. He threatens Taz and A&E to sleep with one eye open because he won’t sleep until he kicks their asses. He can’t do it without Hogan lifting his suspension though. He knows Hogan is resting and taking care of the business side of TNA but he needs him to lift the suspension.

All of a sudden, Sting’s music hits and The Stinger heads down to chat with Bully. They hug it out and it looks like it’s Sting’s turn to address the crowd.

Sting says that he knows Hogan doesn’t do anything half way. He goes all the way to the top no matter what he does but he says that right now, Hogan is only half way. Hogan walked his daughter down the aisle but he still didn’t go all the way (The wording was unintentional, you sick fucks). He still didn’t reinstate bully. Next week in the UK, Sting believes Hogan will do the right thing and reinstate Bully.

Stings music hits again as they hug it out and talk a bit off mic.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: The crowd was loud; they dug that promo from Bully. Not his best work but definitely far from his worst. I’m guessing we’re going to have some drama with Hogan and Bully next week.

Hopefully it doesn’t lead to a match between the two cause nobody wants to see that.
Something to note: The announcers are playing up how Hulk Hogan does the right thing but is the right thing reinstating Bully Ray? This is probably an indicator of the direction this angle might be headed to.

FINAL MARK (BUY/DUD/NO SELL): Buy it. Not Bully’s best promo work but it got the point across. I got his point and know what he wants to do.

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Backstage with Austin Aries and Bobby Roode

*We get a Roode/Aries vs Chavo and Hernandez promo*

Backstage again (notice the trend?) and we’re catching up with Roode and Aries. They’re bickering over who will start the match. Both of them don’t want to fight Hernandez so they try to make the point that the other is more suitable for the role. Roode calls Aries quick and vicious which is a perfect counter to the pure brawn of Hernandez. Aries makes the counter point that Roode would be a better fit due to his size and technical prowess. He calls him the “power guy” of the team.

Roode brings up that Aries beat him for the title and Aries agrees. He reminds Roode that it was a fluke though and that was enough into tricking Roode into agreeing. Roode, realizing he’s been tricked yells, “power guys don’t start” or something to the effect as the segment drew to a close.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Pretty funny segment, I’d check it out if you’re into the shenanigans. It’s pretty obvious that they’re trying to use the Kane/D-Bry thing but I have no problem with that.

FINAL MARK (BUY/DUD/NO SELL): I’ll buy it. It was funny and worth seeing if you’re looking for a laugh.

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Jeff Hardy gets ready for Christopher Daniels

*Hardy promo: Recapping his road to redemption and his many defenses of the TNA World Heavyweight Title. Kind of cool I guess. Nothing really special though*

The camera men catch up with Hardy; who’s ready to cut a promo or his opponent for tonight, Christopher Daniels. He says that the creatures already fly so Daniels should make the best of his opportunity. Hardy knows exactly who the Fallen Angel is and who he isn’t.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Typical Jeff Hardy promo. It’s not the best, it might not even make sense, but it works for him.

FINAL MARK (BUY/DUD/NO SELL): DUD. Nothing really of substance, so I can’t really chose anything else.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Bobby Roode vs Hernandez (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.)

Taz is back in the booth. He tries to cut in and interrupt Tenay and Keneley for a bit until Tenay finally acknowledges Taz’ presence. Taz asked if Bully came out, feigning that he didn’t know what happened in the prior segments. They told him that Bully had comments about him much to Taz’ chagrin.

*Roode vs Hernandez up next*

Roode is out first, followed by Hernandez. They lock up and Hernandez tosses Roode into the corner with his strength. Hernandez taunts Roode and does the “come here” motion as Roode shows a bit of concern about his situation. They go to lock up again but Roode ducks, gets him in a waist-lock and strikes him from behind nailing him with a few elbows.

Roode gets Hernandez in the corner and stomps him. Roode goes to whip him into the opposite corner but is countered by Hernandez. Hernandez follows up with a massive back body drop. Hernandez picks him up and hoists him for a VERY delayed vertical suplex. It must’ve been around 10 seconds if not more. Great display of power by Hernandez. Roode quickly gets to the ropes and as Hernandez went to grab him, Roode rakes Hernandez in the eyes and hits a top rope hotshot.

Roode gets back in the ring quickly and nails a swinging neck-breaker. Lateral press by Roode but Hernandez isn’t ready to go down yet. He lunges Roode off him and Roode lands right on top of Earl Hebner. Funny stuff. Roode doesn’t let Hernandez up and starts applying the boots to his back. Finally, Roode gets Hernandez on his feet and gets him in the corner. Shoulder blocks by Roode followed by a snapmare/neck-snap combo. Bit of showboating by Roode. Back rake by Roode. Hernandez starts a comeback with 2 big right hands and a gut kick. Hernandez goes off the ropes but is denied by Roode, who goes for another pin. Hernandez kicks out at 2 and Roode continues his assault with 2 elbows and a knee drop.

Another pin denied by Hernandez and Roode goes for a chin lock. Hernandez slowly gets to his feet and puts Bobby in the corner. Hernandez charges at Roode but Roode puts him over the top rope with a back body drop. Hernandez lands on his feet and waits for Roode to notice his presence. Roode turns around and eats a shoulder block followed by a springboard shoulder block. Polish hammers by Hernandez, whip into the corner and a Stinger splash. A groggy Roode walks right into a spinning Canadian back-breaker drop. Hernandez whips Roode off the ropes and goes for a back body drop. Roode notices and sends a kick his way, followed by a few knife edge chops.

Roode runs the ropes but Hernandez catches him with another shoulder block that sends Roode flying. Roode rolls out of the ring as Hernandez riles the crowd up. Hernandez goes to springboard but stops as Austin Aries runs down and pulls Bobby Roode out of the way. A little bickering by Aries and Roode, who insists that he didn`t need help.

Chavo Jr. decides he`s had enough and goes after Aries. Hebner goes to control the fighting outside the ring (They aren’t even competing. Why would that be more important than your job?) which distracts Hernandez enough for Roode to get behind him and nail a bulldog. Roode goes for the pin, which Hebner notices. Roode gets the 3 count (on a BULLDOG of all moves) and it’s good enough for the win.

WINNER: BOBBY ROODE via BULLDOG

Tenay says it was a “SWERVE” and Taz goes on to say that successful “SWERVES” are always the best one. (CDN IMO: Subtle, TNA. Of course you swerved us, Taz… Your inclusion in this angle makes NO sense. You’d swerve me too if Peewee Herman was the leader of The Shield! But, I digress…)

After the match, Aries and Roode start bickering again. “I SAVED YOU” says Aries. “I DIDN’T NEED YOUR HELP” says Roode. “WE DID IT” says Aries. “I DID IT” says Roode as they walk to the back.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: An enjoyable match. Roode played the under-gunned “brain over brawn” character very well in this match and Hernandez had a few cool spots to show off his strength. Probably one of the better Hernandez matches that I can remember recently. Also, on Aries and Roode… As much as this formula is very much a Kane/D-Bry kind of thing, I really don’t mind it. These two have good chemistry together and I like seeing them on TV. They’re good for a laugh if you can get past the obvious homage.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): Watchable, but not really a can’t miss kind of match. You might want to check out the delayed suplex if you’re into that.

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Kurt Angle calls out Ken Anderson

*Angle and A&E promo: Basically recapping Kurt’s side of this feud and what’s been going on. They’re really trying to make A&E look dangerous by having their “vicious” attack on the roster a focal point of these things. (CDN IMO: Personally, I’m not really buying into it. I’d like for these guys to actually get some clean wins instead of just run-ins and no finishes all the time.)*

Kurt Angle’s music hits and it looks like he’s out to talk. He slaps hands as he heads down to the ring and grabs a mic.

(CDN IMO: The announcers are talking about how Kurt knows what he has to do. It would be nice if we actually knew the events that lead up to him “knowing” what to do. It seems like he just “knows” all of a sudden like a drunk-twittering Neo or something…)

Kurt starts his promo, addressing A&E. He didn’t think that they would last but he was obviously wrong. He’s sick and tired of the cheap shots and sneak attacks and the injuries that the A&E gave the Impact wrestlers including him. He addresses Taz and says he talks about revenge. According to Angle, Taz doesn’t know what revenge is. Next week is Open Fight Night and Angle will get revenge and it will be on Ken Anderson. He calls out Anderson because he has something to tell him personally…

After a delay, Anderson’s music hits and he heads to ring via the Aces entrance (CDN IMO: again TNA, lock the damn doors!)

Anderson goes on a little “You wanna fight me next week?” tirade before he says that he doesn’t want to fight Angle next week… Cause he wants to do it now! Anderson sucker punches Angle in the face. Anderson gets him to the ground and continues to punch at Angle. Anderson gets him in the corner and starts stomping a mud-hole but cuts it short to taunt the crowd. This gave Angle enough time to recover, as he nails Anderson with a hard clothesline. Angle goes for the Ankle Lock but Anderson slips out of the ring to save himself from possible injury.

Angle grabs the mic and tells Anderson to keep running. He won’t have anybody cheap shooting him cause it’ll be Angle vs Anderson in a steel cage next week. (CDN IMO: somebody needs to remind him that Aces already got into one of his cage matches LOL)

Taz seems nervous about this and the TNA announcers are ecstatic. Tenay asks who’s more dangerous than Angle in a cage?

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Fine promo work by both men. Angle was pretty fired up so it helped when he started cutting a promo. Nice touch having Anderson feign being a coward, only to sock Angle in the face.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): Watchable but a bit more than that. Probably the first promo in the show that actually felt serious enough for the situation.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE

*Daniels vs Hardy is next*

We get a shot of a pocket knife and it seems like we’re backstage with the Aces (CDN IMO: again, WHY does TNA [let alone Universal Studios] give these guys backstage areas to just chillax in? Didn’t they initially force their way into the building? This is crazy… ).

Anderson, a little shaken up having to face Angle in the cage next week yells, “HOOKERS! Shut up!” word for word (CDN IMO: I laughed). Devon tries to reason with Anderson using the classic, “c’mon man” approach but Anderson is annoyed and calls the hookers a bunch of cackling hens.

Devon tells the ladies to relax and tries to level with Anderson again. He knows he’s high strung and knows he has angle but all he’s asking that he just relax cause the Aces have a battle plan. Have a sip of beer and do what he’s going to do (sloppy seconds?) with the products of the club house. Again TNA, subtle…

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Horrible promo, but I come to expect that from this A&E bits. I’ve given up on thinking that something interesting might happen with the group.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): DUD. Not even worth looking at.

P.S. Fuck you Devon.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

JEFF HARDY (C) VS “FALLEN ANGEL” CHRISTOPHER DANIELS FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Daniels is out first with Kaz in tow. Confidence levels are an all time high for Daniels according to Tenay. He’s won 2 matches in a row!

Up next is Hardy, to a decent cheer. He slaps hands with the crowd as he heads down the ring.

(CDN IMO: Taz isn’t so much a heel announcer as he is that douche in high school that thought he was funny by calling chicks cunt rockets if they reject his advances.)

Jeremy Borash handled the formal introduction for the match and Brian Hebner is officiating.

As the bell rings, Hardy riles the crowd up with a bit of clapping as he circles Daniels. They lock up and Daniels forces Hardy into the corner. Clean break by Daniels. They lock up again and hardy gains the upper hand with a side headlock. Daniels breaks Hardy off by slamming him into the turnbuckle and following it up with a few shoulder thrusts. Whip to the opposite corner as Daniels charges after Hardy. Hardy springs up from the turnbuckle, catches Daniels with his legs and nails a pretty head-scissors take-down  Hardy charges with a clothesline, picks Daniels up and forces him in the corner. Big corner clothesline as Hardy tries to get the crowd behind him. Hardy goes for his pendulum dropkick in the corner but Daniels rolls to the outside, causing Hardy to tumble back first into the mat. Daniels uses the time to recover and make his way back to the ring. Daniels tosses Hardy to the outside as Kaz and Daniels take a break to showboat to the crowd as we go to commercial.

We get back from commercial and Daniels is still in control of the match. Clothesline and a cover by Daniels, who only gets a 2 count. We get a replay of the action during the commercial break which consisted of Kaz stomping a hole into El Jeffe. Back to the ring and Daniels is driving his elbow into the face of Jeff Hardy. Daniels picks hardy up and connects with a back suplex. Daniels runs the ropes and hits hardy with a HUUUUUUUGE western lariat which is only good for 2. Daniels gets on top of Hardy and beats him down. Stomps and punches as Daniels seems to be getting frustrated. Daniels picks hardy up and head-butts him followed by a taunt. Daniels picks hardy up again and goes for a swinging neck-breaker, only to change it halfway into a a sort of headlock/elbow drop variation. Daniels covers again but it isn’t enough to keep hardy down. Daniels keeps hardy grounded with a half nelson chin lock as the crowd starts to rally behind hardy. Daniels drives his knee into hardy’s back as he locks the hold in. Hardy gets to his feet and attempts to break free of Daniels by running to the ropes. Daniels catches him by the hair and slams him down. Brian Heber reprimands Daniels for the illegal move and they argue a bit.

Daniels goes back to stomp hardy, who is still by the ropes in bad shape. Daniels picks him up and tries to whip him off the ropes but Hardy gets the better of him a reverses it into a clothesline. Both men are down but Daniels gets to his feet first. Daniels and Hardy go punch for punch until has enough and whips him into the ropes of a jumping clothesline. Hardy, now fired up, hits a reverse atomic drop followed by an Extreme leg drop and a front dropkick. Mule kick reversal by Hardy who goes for the pin. Hardy gets a 2 count and goes back into the offensive. Daniels whips hardy into the corner, but hardy reverses the charge with a boot to the face. Second Rope diving splash by Hardy and a cover. It’s only good for two again as both men sell the effects of the match. Hardy tries to whip Daniels into the corner but Daniels reverses him and charges again. In a spot similar to early in the match, Hardy tried to reverse it with a head-scissors takedown but ends up caught in a fireman’s carry and dropped into a brutal looking Death Valley Driver. Daniels tries to pin the champion again, but Hardy just kicks out at 2. Daniels decides to go for a submission and locks in the Koji Clutch. Hardy manages to get to the ropes and Daniels breaks the hold at a 3 count. Daniels gets hardy up into the corner and strikes him as Hardy can barely stand. Daniels hoists Hardy up to the top rope and goes for a hurricanrana but hardy reverses it into a top rope gut-buster. Hardy gets the cover but Daniels gets his foot on the rope at the last minute. The crowd is pretty invested in the match at this point. Hardy goes for the twist of Fate but Daniels denies it with a back kick and Angel’s Wings. Daniels goes for the pin but Hardy manages to kick out at 2 1/2. Daniels is shocked that Hardy kicked out of his finisher and sets Hardy up for the Best Moonsault Ever. Hardy rolls out the way as Daniels lands on his feet.

Daniels charges Hardy in the corner but Hardy was expecting that and goes for a whisper in the wind. Daniels dodges it at the last minute and pins Hardy again for a 2 count. Frustration is building up in Daniels who yells “damn it!” in the heat of the moment. Daniels has had enough and goes for Angel’s Wings again. As he gets Hardy up, Hardy takes advantage of his location and nails Daniels with a hurricanrana. Hardy with a gut kick and a quick twist of stunner followed by a twist of fate. Hardy nails Kaz with a baseball slide and hits the Swanton on Daniels which is good enough for the win.

WINNER: JEFF HARDY via SWANTON BOMB

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: Really exciting match-up for TV but much too short. I was wishing for more from these guys. Hopefully this leads to Daniels challenging more often for the WHC. He’s always been a pretty prominent figure on TNA TV so I would like for them to use him a bit more in the future.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): Watch it. It would’ve been a can’t miss deal if the match was longer.

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Taz congratulates Jeff Hardy

Taz decides he has to go and spread the good word and heads to the ring to interview Hardy.Taz has a question for hardy. What are you going to do when A&E destroys everything and you’re left laying? What are you going to do when A&E takes your title? This was strictly to distract Jeff hardy as one of the masked A&E members nailed Hardy from behind with the rubber hammer (CDN IMO: See TNA? Lock the damn doors!).

As Hardy wails in pain, Taz says he was about to tell you to watch your back as the member of A&E who did the deed ran away through the crowd. Taz, deciding his handy-work was done, leaves to the back as TNA Impact closes for this week.

CANADIAN PERSPECTIVE: This is obviously an out for Jeff Hardy as he can’t travel to the UK due to legal reasons. Bummer for the UK fans but shit happens.

Overall, the show wasn’t very good. There’s a few decent matches but nothing super redeeming.

FINAL MARK (CAN’T MISS IT/WATCHABLE/BOTCHED IT): This show gets a barely watchable from me. Not a great show and not very entertaining. Some segments ran too long and some of the matches (namely the main event bout) ran much too short for me.

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Well that’s it for me this week. Next week, the article won’t be as late so expect reviews first thing Friday morning! That’s all folks! Masked Canadian signing out, eh?

Ring Rehonored: Hopefully This Show Continues to Stay Good

Alright, this is the ROH review and I’m the guy who writes it. I’ve been watching wrestling for a long (read: LONG) time. I know good matches when I see them, and I also know complete shit. As this is my first post in this little blog/article/pet project, I feel it fair to warn you that I am a critical and sometimes curmudgeonly son of a bitch when it comes to matches with big promise, but am usually quite an amiable fellow (very rarely do I not have anything good to say about a match unless it’s absolutely awful). Also, this is going to be a bit rushed because I’m pressed for time, but my next review will be much more in depth. With that out of the way, let’s get this shit written.

 

Alabama Attitude vs. O’Reilly and Fish –

Quick mat holds to start, followed by a tag to Fish and the subsequent destruction of Alabama Attitude. Decent tag wrestling here, Alabama Attitude starting a comeback, and a NICE assisted flipping Reverse DDT/DDT by Alabama Attitude. A quick smattering of offense, two German suplexes and a Kick/Brainbuster combo by O’Reilly and Fish later, and the match is over. Not a bad match, liked the DDT spot.

 

– Nigel in the ring, talking with Jay Lethal. Nigel gives Lethal a “warning”, and then tells him that he needs to endlessly fuck with Kevin Steen until he gets a title shot. Well, he didn’t say that EXACTLY, but yeah, that’s what went on.

 

– Matt Hardy talking about his small package. I apologize, but that joke just doesn’t get old for me. Heel Matt is best Matt. Still waiting for Version 1.1.

 

Mike Sydal vs. QT Marshall –

Saw the name Sydal, got my hopes up, and then he actually came out of the back. I’m sorry, but whenever your character is based on being “rock n’ roll”, you immediately lose points with me. Marshall’s bald spot is so bad it actually distracted me from the fact that his manager is Archibald Pe… I mean R.D. Evans. Decent match, nothing too special about it, a few near botches and a bit of sloppiness. The Moonsault by Sydal was definitely the high point. Also, I like the running Dominator that QT pulled.

 

– C&C interview, damn Coleman can talk.

 

– DEM BOYS, all I should have to say here.

 

C&C Wrestle Factory vs. The Briscoes –

I came into this one expecting good things, and I was not disappointed. Good wrestling from both sides here, LOVED the double (almost triple) Northern Lights suplex bit from Coleman (my favorite suplex, aside from those murderous Dragons that the Japanese love to use). The Hurricanrana/Splash double pin near the end by C&C was great. Briscoes win it with the Doomsday Device, and damn if this wasn’t a good match. C&C REALLY got to show off their offense here, which is definitely not a bad thing.

 

– SCUM attacks, Rhyno with them. Gore on Alexander, SCUM closes the show surrounded by bodies.

All in all, a decent show. The Tag Title match is definitely the standout fight to watch. Lethal and Nigel’s talking has got me wondering how far Lethal is going to go to get that match, or if he even gets it at all.

WWE NXT (January 24th, 2013)

Right then.

No intro this week because Shawn Michaels is here for a “Monumental” announcement. I don’t really care for Coheed & Cambria but I’d rather hear them than this. Shawn is here because Dusty is lazy and couldn’t be bothered coming out to introduce the fact we’re starting a tournament to crown the first ever NXT Tag Team Champions. Shawn talks about how important winning the tag titles is, referencing his early days as a tag team wrestlers. Then he quotes DX and ruins everything.

We open up with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan, more known as the Wyatt Family as they’re stooges of Bray Wyatt, who spends matches at the top of the ramp on a rocking chair. It’s pretty awesome. Their opponents? Yoshi Tatsu & Percy Watson. I wonder who’s gonna win. Apparently Yoshi is the leader of the “Yoshi Army”, this is like when I found out that Ted DiBiase was the leader of The DiBiase Posse or whatever that thing is called. Anyway this match happened, it wasn’t bad but it wasn’t interesting. The crowd was pretty into the hot tag to Percy Watson at least.

Dusty Rhodes is…somewhere and he’s talking to Derrick Bateman & Alex Riley and he offers them a chance at Kassius Ohno & Leo Kruger next week in the Tag Title tournament. That could be fun. No more than seconds later, Corey Graves is here to moan about not getting another shot at the NXT Title after the Shield get involved. He’s angry basically. Alex Riley then comes out with the line “If you’re feeling froggy, then jump. Circus boy” and then he hums that clown/circus tune. I don’t know why he did that but I laughed. Mostly because it made no god damn sense. Dusty makes Corey face off against Jake Carter tonight because reasons.

Back to the ring and Alicia Fox is coming out to face Sasha Banks. Banks is on a “meteoric rise” according to the commentator I forgot the name of that isn’t William Regal. 3 matches = “meteoric rise” apparently. Regal lays down some truth and informs us that Banks is related to Snoop Dogg. Regal is also good mates with Snoop. I just heard “meteoric rise” again. Regal just told us that Fox has the best bridge he’s ever seen. This happens every week but in fairness it’s a really good bridge. This was short but when it was on it was pretty good. Alicia Fox is underrated.

Random Paige video package. Paige is the best though so I have no complaints.

We have a new female backstage interviewer but I didn’t catch her name and it never flashed up. She’s gonna interview Aksana. Oh boy. This is surprisingly good because Aksana is facing Paige next week and Aksana is putting over the reason that she hates Paige because Paige “stole her look” and was the it thing of 2012 and wants to correct that. Storylines!

Now a goofy promo for Conor O’Brian who warns he will rise. He’s not been on TV for a while because his tag partner got in trouble/got fired. I don’t remember which one it was but I know that happened.

Jake Carter vs Corey Graves time. Partners collide. Carter is Vaders son for anyone unaware. This other commentator is no good. He’s enthusiastic but he flubs too much. He also says “FOR THE WIN!!!!!” too much. For a match between former partners this sure was dull and I like both guys. Graves declares anarchy on NXT because he’s being unfairly punished for stuff or something. He also calls out Alex Riley because of what happened earlier. He should have punched the idiots chanting “WHAT?” at him.

More NXT Tag Title tournament action next as it’s time for the greatest trio in pro wrestling. 3MB will be represented by Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre which is the best duo. I also love that theme song. Man, 3MB are the greatest aren’t they? Their opponents are Adrian Neville & Oliver Grey. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Grey in my life, Neville I’ve seen for years as PAC. There’s time left, this could be good. Drew tried to throw his glasses at Neville but almost threw them at his own face. Neville hits a dive to the outside which ended up looking almost like Drew powerbombed him the way it ended up. Nevilles corkscrew splash will never get old to watch. I love that the commentator just loses his mind when he sees it. Decent enough match.

Axl Keegan is in the ring now to be destroyed by NXT Champion and current guy who is on the bigger but worse shows Big E Langston. Big E is fantastic. Big E Langston squashes in NXT are awesome, the crowd is just way into it and I love the entire 5 Count concept with the crowd just going  NUTS for it all. He lifts up Axl post match to destroy him again but the lights dim and Conor O’Brian appears via video and it is very silly. I hope Big E destroys him later.

Decent episode. This is still the best wrestling TV show on the air (at least in the UK since you Americans have to watch it on Hulu Plus I think) but there’s nothing standout on this show.